As a business development manager for a large insurance company, I was a leader in my field. Known for my results, praised for my work, and seen as a shining example of success, it seemed I had it all. But although it all looked good on the outside, I had a secret—a part of me that wasn’t so shiny. Beneath the surface, there was darkness, self-criticism, and internal struggle that few knew about.
Every morning, I would start my day with a run down a quiet, seldom-walked road. It was my ritual, a time when I could let the darkness within me rise to the surface. As I ran, I would shout at myself, calling myself names, berating myself for every perceived shortcoming. The tears would come, and I’d release the anger and shame that I carried inside. This was my secret—a stark contrast to the confident, successful leader everyone saw.
Then one foggy morning, something unexpected happened. As I sank into my usual routine, crying out my frustrations, a voice called out, “Are you okay? Do you need help?”
I froze, startled, and embarrassed. I hadn’t realized someone else was there. For a moment, I considered brushing it off, pretending everything was fine. But something made me look into his eyes instead. In that brief moment, I saw concern and kindness—something I hadn’t allowed myself to feel for a long time. I wiped my eyes, thanked him for his inquiry, and walked home in silence. That encounter was a turning point. I realized I couldn’t keep living like this.
This moment marked the beginning of my journey into a heightened level of self-awareness. I started to question the harsh rules and strategies I had set for myself—the ones that had driven my success but also kept me in a prison of my own making. My feelings of over-responsibility were blocking me from being fully present, and I was neglecting the most important relationships in my life without even realizing it. With the guidance of a coach, I began to see how these patterns, while once protective, were now limiting my ability to connect with others and live authentically.
As I began this journey into a heightened level of self-awareness, I realized that it was like opening a door—DOOR 3, to be exact. This concept became the foundation of my coaching practice, where I help others unlock the potential within by stepping through their own DOOR 3. In the next article, I’ll share how this journey continued, leading to a complete redesign of my internal strategies and ultimately changing my life.
What is Heightened Self-Awareness?
Heightened self-awareness is about uncovering the internal dialogue, rules, and strategies that have shaped who you are today. It’s about recognizing that while these patterns have contributed to your success, they may also be limiting your potential by creating invisible boundaries.
Steps to Cultivating Self-Awareness
1. Identify Your Internal Dialogue: What are you telling yourself daily? Is it supportive, critical, or something else entirely?
2. Reflect on Your Patterns: What rules and strategies have you developed over the years? Which ones serve you, and which ones limit your growth?
3. Examine the Impact on Relationships: How do these internal patterns affect your relationships? Are you connecting authentically, or are you operating out of obligation?
4. Challenge and Reframe: What might life look like if you challenged these patterns and reframed your internal dialogue?
Looking Ahead: Redesigning Your Inner Strategy
This journey into self-awareness is just the beginning. In my next article, I’ll delve into the process of redesigning your internal strategy—how to move from awareness to empowered action, and how to create new patterns that serve your true self. Stay tuned for practical steps and insights on how this transformation changed my life.
Final Reflection
What patterns are driving your success—and are they also holding you back? Take the first step towards heightened self-awareness by reflecting on your internal dialogue, seeking feedback, or considering working with a coach.
Categories: Leadership
