
Think about a time when someone’s response hurt you so deeply it twisted through your body. Maybe it felt like a tightening in your chest, a sinking in your stomach, or a heaviness you couldn’t shake.
What were the words that caused that reaction?
Perhaps it was:
• “We have decided to let you go.”
• “You are wasting my time”
• “We don’t need you”
• “You are being too sensitive”
• Or even, “I just don’t love you anymore.”
These phrases linger within us, shaping our fears and subtly influencing the choices we make to avoid feeling that pain again. Of course, we carry them—fear is human. It’s our instinct to “steer away” from discomfort. But just like driving on an icy road, sometimes the safest path forward is to steer into the skid. It’s counterintuitive, but when we drive toward what unsettles us, we often find our footing.
Driving Into the Skid: Embracing Fear to Find Stability
Imagine being on a icy road, the car suddenly skidding, and as you begin to spin everything inside of you wants to turn away from the direction of the skid. Yet what we know is that the safest, most effective way to regain control is to steer into it. It feels counterintuitive yet through experience, and ongoing practice of doing donuts in a snowy school parking lot with our Dads- we learn how react against what felt true.
This metaphor captures the essence of dealing with fear. In leadership, we often try to “steer away” from what makes us uncomfortable, whether it’s a difficult conversation, a bold decision, or a vulnerable connection. But avoiding fear rarely keeps us safe—instead, it creates boundaries that keep us from steering into the discomfort that helps create strong, open, powerful relationships;
In my coaching practice, we take these fears and say them out loud. We “steer into the skid,” allowing ourselves to feel the discomfort without rushing to escape it. When we lean into our fears, we allow our bodies to tighten then eventually settle by placing our hands on our hearts and taking deep slow breathes, grounding us in acceptance. Over time, this practice helps us realize that fear isn’t something to avoid—it’s something to acknowledge, value and work with.
How Steering Into Fear Can Shape Stronger Leaders
Without even realizing it, avoiding fear often shapes how we show up as leaders:
• Avoiding Conflict – A leader who once heard “You’re not good enough” may sidestep assertive decisions, fearing judgment.
• Playing it Safe – Someone told they “have nothing to offer” might avoid taking risks, staying within familiar keeps us away from creativity and innovation.
• Over-responsibility – Those who feel undervalued may take on too much, trying to prove their worth and avoid disappointing others resulting in stress and overwhelm.
These patterns feel like “stability” yet staying stable can also keep us from fully engaging with others where we hold much of ourselves in “tow”.
The Role of Coaching in Embracing Fear With Curiosity
In coaching, I partner with my clients to explore these fears with compassion and curiosity. Instead of attempting to “fix” or eliminate them, we acknowledge them, allowing the discomfort. This process helps leaders see fear as a natural response rather than a signal to stop. It’s in this acceptance that real growth and new perspectives become possible.
Reflecting on Your Own Fear-Based Narratives
Take a moment to reflect:
• What are the words or feedback you fear the most right now?
• How does your body respond when you bring those responses to mind?
• How might these fears influence the way you show up as a leader? As a salesperson? As a partner?
Accepting fear as a part of human experience gives us the strength to face it. This awareness opens new possibilities for deeper connection, resilience, and curiosity within our own selves as well as others.
From Self-Awareness to Fear-Aware Leadership
When leaders learn to steer into their fears, they unlock the potential to lead with presence and grounded acceptance. This shift creates work environments that are resilient, human-centered, and rooted in trust. Leaders who accept fear as part of their journey, approaching it with curiosity, set a powerful example that inspires growth, authenticity, and connection.
If you’re ready to explore what’s holding you back from leading with authenticity, it may be time to look inward. Growth often begins not by doing more, but by understanding what we resist—and finding the courage to steer into it.
I hope this article brings out some thoughtful reflection and awareness- feel free to reach out and let me know. Your coach- Maryellen